by Jonathan Swift, CEO, Enervate Inc
Here at Enervate Inc we we believe in the importance of a green and prosperous future for all Ontarians. And we believe that the private sector’s inalienable right to turn a profit is what makes this province great.
That’s why we’re pleased to announce an exciting new project in the heart of your town: a clean, green, modern wind-turbine on the site of the Old Town Hall.
Let’s face it folks, that building is getting mighty old. I mean, even its name says so. And heck, why do they call it ‘Old Town Hall’ anyway, when it’s not even a town hall? Doesn’t make sense. It just takes up space without giving anything in return. It’s not even green.
Wouldn’t a nice shiny wind-turbine be better for all of us? It would mean economic benefits for the town by creating some construction jobs for a few months; this would lead to increased sales for local chip wagons and Porta-Potty services. And the green power it generates — which we will ship out of town, actually — means the province won’t have to build another big smelly coal-fired generating plant somewhere. That’s what our consultants say anyway. And meanwhile, Enervate will earn some very nice profits. Those too will be shipped out of town, but hey, you can’t have everything.
Enervate Inc is proud to unveil our plans for this exciting new project. After you see the artist’s rendering below we’re sure you’ll agree: this is a win-win for everyone. Mostly for us I suppose, but definitely for you too. Honest.
OLD: Out of date, non-green, doesn’t make money.
NEW: Green, modern, makes money.
en·er·vate /ˈenərˌvāt/ v.t. Cause (someone) to feel drained of energy.