Question:  What Does Santa Say Under a Retrograde Mercury?

by C. H. Wells

Answer:  “OH! OH! OH!”

… And by all reports, he won’t be the only one saying it!

Yup – it’s that time, again! Our last Retrograde Mercury of 2016 and first of 2017 begins December 19 and runs through January 8, inclusive [plus a few weeks before and a couple of weeks after, for the “halo” periods].

yule-detourSo, whether you celebrate Winter Solstice, Christmas [Roman or Orthodox], Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or just the dawning of the New Year, this should be a holiday season to remember [… along with the one when your little brother decided to walk the railroad tracks of your brand new train set and bent the lot of them into mangled metal wreckage; your tippling auntie spilled red wine all over your freshly-unwrapped and newly-adopted Cabbage Patch Kid; or the dog ate your holiday dinner – trimmings and all].

But there’s good news for those who celebrate none of the above – who only grit their teeth, squeeze their eyes tight shut, and stop up their ears against all of those wretched and seemingly interminable seasonal tunes:  Like the man banging his head against a stone wall because it feels so good when he stops, you will likely feel even more grateful than ever when this one is over.

Why such dire predictions? Why should we be quaking in our gum-soled snow boots? Well … “Do the math!”:  In astrological circles, the planet Mercury is associated with several areas of life. As exemplified by the familiar “winged messenger” motif, Mercury is associated with [or “rules”] deliveries; travel; communications of all kinds; contracts, leases or agreements of any kind; any and all intellectual activities … and Mercury, in classical mythology, was considered the god of merchants [… and thus governed all buying and selling].

Now consider the facts:  Our Yuletide Season is just about the buyin’-ist, travellin’-ist, communicatin’-ist, and all-round people dealin’ with people-ist season on the face of the Earth. Any where. Any time. So if retrograde troubles needed a place to roost for a little while … why … um …

I am hoping the reader has been cautioned sufficiently, on previous occasions, to know the cardinal ‘rules of engagement’ under a Retrograde Mercury, vis: “Don’t do anything you can’t undo.” & “When in doubt – don’t!” But at this jolly, holly season a few extra precautions may not be entirely unwarranted:

Gift-buying/-giving can be fraught with challenges at the best of times, what with requirements for  appropriate size, color, style and price-range, but with the good Hermes enfeebled by one of several annual bouts of backwardness, at such a critical juncture, the usual cheerful, not to mention skillful, assistance may be found to be sorely lacking. In other words – caveat emptor, and don’t forget to get a receipt!

Scuttlebutt has it – at least some insist – that if you truly, truly believe that absolutely everything possible will muck up under the retrograde, then nothing will … On the other hand, the same logic says that if you believe that absolutely everything is going to be “just fine,” then it won’t. It’s rather like believing in fairies. So if you helped Peter Pan to ‘will’ Tinkerbell back to life when you were a kid, it might be worth a try:  “I believe everything is going to mess up … I believe everything is going to mess up … I believe everything is going to mess up … ”

Deep in a backward cycle, it’s essential to remember that everyone else is experiencing the retrograde, too. So don’t depend on the other guy to get it right/follow the rules. Err on the side of caution. Keep your seatbelt on – unless attempting to exit your vehicle, in which case it’s usually advisable to unlatch it first. [Yes, me too – embarrassing, isn’t it?] While driving, keep your ‘holiday spirits’ figurative. And don’t forget to cut the other guy a little slack – it is Yuletide, after all.

Blessings of the Season of Light!

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PS:  If stuck for a practical gift at the Holidays, why not bundle an assortment of batteries together and tie ’em with a bow. They’ll go perfectly with all those other gifts that come with them “not included.” If they do happen to already be included, well then … more power to you!