Nurse Donna

by Heather Atkinson

Ever since COVID-19 joined our lexicon, I’ve been trying to get friends and family interested in getting us all tested for this occult villain that has robbed us of that thing we will remember fondly as “normal life”. You know, where you could hug other human beings, including your slobbery grandkids.

“We could all make appointments to go together to get tested, keeping our social distance of course,” I told friends and family.

The retorts, sometimes rude, were predictable.

“What a waste of time.”

“So what if you’re negative the day you’re tested. You could be positive the day after.”

“No way, I hear it hurts worse than childbirth.” (This from a father.)

“If you wear a mask you won’t need to get tested. I love my homemade mask!” (This from a fashion diva.)

And so forth.

“All that aside, don’t you want to know if you’re carrying a deadly virus that could kill other people?” I asked. “Knowledge is power and knowledge depends on data. Regular widespread testing provides data,” I said. I pointed out that responsible sexually active people get tested regularly for STDs to ensure they are not infectious.

But no one was listening.

You’d think I was asking them to join me on SpaceX.

And so it was that I, nose in the air, got tested on Tuesday at our very own COVID Assessment Centre conveniently located beside the Almonte Hospital. Donna, the nurse with the friendly eyes above her perfectly fitted completely gap-free medical mask, gowned and gloved, inserted a long (okay, make that very long) swab up so far that my eyes watered and I started to leak (polite) expletives.

It was all over in 5 (count ‘em) seconds. Now I await the results. If I’m negative, which I expect to be since it’s been a nun’s life for me for three months, I will return a month from now and do it all over again. You can never have too much data I always say.

So if you’re looking for a good excuse to get out of the house wearing your pretty mask, why not join me?

To book an appointment, call the COVID Assessment Centre: 613 325 1208